He Calls Me "Momma Kourtney"

It seems that just about everyone's life has changed over the last month or so. Some of us are staying home more than ever, some are with their kids all of the time for the first time ever, some are barely ever able to be at home for the first time ever and some...are becoming moms for the first time ever?

Throughout the last couple of years I have had several dreams along the same theme. I always wake up from these dreams stirred and wondering what they could mean. I don't usually have dreams where I feel so much.

I am walking/sitting/visiting with people when all of a sudden my stomach drops! My baby! I totally forgot that I had a baby and I haven't fed it in hours! I rush to find my baby limp, starving, but still alive. I quickly feed my baby and he recovers. Relief. I sometimes have a boy and a girl, but always at least a boy. Sometimes my baby is in someone else' care, but is not thriving.

I wake up from these dreams and pray “Lord, what does this mean? Are you trying to tell me something? Do I have a baby out there that I am supposed to be caring for? Lord, please don't let me be negligent. Please don't let me miss my kid, if that's what I'm supposed to be doing.”

Fast forward to about a month ago.

A little 8 year old boy, we'll call him “Ben”, came to my parents for a day of respite care.

I sat out on the steps and talked to him for a while.

As I was setting there my heart was moved with compassion for this little guy. Then the Lord spoke to my heart “This is your boy”.

“Okay, Lord, then you are going to have to do it.”, I replied. This little exchange was very quick and unemotional. Just a silent little conversation in my heart. A quiet and confident knowing.

I walked into the house and my Mom was on the phone with the head of the organization this little guy is in. “Would she be willing to get certified and take the Ben for respite until ya'll could get approval to take him?” “Yes” I said in answer the question as I overheard it. “Of course I will”, I thought to myself, I already know he is supposed to be mine. But believe me, I didn't say all of that out load to my Mother. I knew that she would be all over that! She has been wanting me to foster for years.

After later that day I talked to Mom and Dad about it and Mom said that she knew that it was the Lord because whenever she had brought up the possibility of my taking in foster kids in the past I had always backpedaled. She was right.

So, over the next week I became a caregiver for this little guy while also doing training and paperwork to become a Therapeutic Foster Parent and have him officially placed in my home. TALK ABOUT A BUSY QUARINTINE! From dawn 'till late at night I was going going going! My parents have been amazing! Rachel Baker has also been a HUGE help and support during this time.

So, as of this month I am officially a foster Mom and (Lord willing) on my way to being a forever Mom.

Jesus is good!

If you'd like to hear more or have any questions feel free to call, text or email. I would LOVE to hear from you! However, please take into consideration that I now have an 8yo with lots of needs, so please forgive me if I am late in responding, it's not because I am avoiding you :)

Morning Psalm

Good morning! (Or afternoon or evening 😉)

As Ally (the young lady that lives with me) and I were reading through our Psalm this morning the Lord brought YOU (those who come across or intentionally read this blog) to my mind. So, I decided to bring you along for our morning Psalm reading.


This morning Ally and I opened our Bibles to Psalm 4.
We have been reading through a Psalm a day for the last few days.
I began to read the chapter aloud, Ally following along in her own Bible.

1 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.

² O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? how long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah.

At the Selah (pause) we paused and reflected on what was said before. We were both a little unsure what the word "leasing" in this interpretation meant, so I pulled up my concordance and searched it.
We found that the Greek word interpreted "leasing" means: "falsehood; literally (untruth) or figuratively (idol):- deceitful, false, leasing, + liar, lie, lying."

So "O ye sons of men, how long will you turn my glory into shame? How long will you love vanity, and seek after falsehood?"

We continued on and were greatly encouraged by the next verse:

³ But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself: the Lord will hear when I call unto him.

Then:

⁴ Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.

⁵ Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the Lord.

⁶ There be many that say, Who will shew us any good? Lord, lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon us.

⁷ Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased.

We talked about harvests and how exciting it is for the farmers, who have poured all of their time, resources, and strength into their crops, when they receive an increased and bountiful harvest.
What a joy it is to them when they see all of that bountiful crop of corn and the wine flowing forth from the bountiful grape harvest. What great joy fills the farmers heart at such a sight.
Yet, how much more is the joy of those who's heart the LORD has filled with gladness!

⁸ I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.

We read this last verse and talked about the fact that it is GOD alone who makes us safe. It is He who KEEPS us. That we do not have to be anxious or struggle with insomnia, because HE is the One Who makes us to live in safety.
It is not locked doors that keep us safe, but God alone.

We decided that it would be a good idea to add this verse to our memory bank of verses that are hidden in our hearts.

God is good to give us His Word to study, find encouragement and strength in and to get to know Him more through.

I hope that this has encouraged and lifted your hearts today.
Blessings on you as you walk in His ways!


-Kourtney

Our Motivation: Humanism or Christianity?

Some times I think of this passage from the sermon "Ten Shekels and a Shirt" by Paris Reidhead, and it just speaks so much to me. I get this! I get what it is like to go after souls out of human compassion, and see that they despise your compassion. They don't want your help. They don't even like you. And that is the time, dear brothers and sisters, when we must really come to the reason we are serving. Is it for them? Is it for us? or is it truly unto God?

(Brother Paris speaks with great passion in this paragraph) I went out their motivated by humanism. I’d seen pictures of lepers, I’d seen pictures of ulcers, I’d seen pictures of native funerals, and I didn’t want my fellow human beings to suffer in Hell eternally after such a miserable existence on earth. But it was there in Africa that God began to tear through the overlay of this humanism! And it was that day in my bedroom with the door locked that I wrestled with God. For here was I, coming to grips with the fact that the people I thought were ignorant and wanted to know how to go to heaven and were saying, "Someone come and teach us!", actually didn’t want to take time to talk with me or anybody else. They had no interest in the Bible and no interest in Christ, and they love their sin and wanted to continue in it. And I was to that place, at that time, where I felt the whole thing was a sham and a mockery, and I had been sold a bill of goods! And I wanted to come home. There alone in my bedroom as I faced God honestly with what my heart felt, it seemed to me I heard Him say, "Yes, will not the Judge of all the earth do right? The heathen are lost, and they’re going to go to Hell, not because they haven’t heard the gospel. They’re going to go to Hell because they are sinners, who love their sin! And because they deserve Hell. But……I didn’t send you out there for them. I didn’t send you out there for their sakes." And I heard clearly as I’ve ever heard, though it wasn’t with physical voice but it was the echo of truth of the ages, finding it’s way into an open heart. I heard God say to my heart that day something like this, "I didn’t send you to Africa for the sake of the heathen, I sent you to Africa for My Sake….They deserved Hell! But I love them! And I endured the agonies of Hell for them!!!! I didn’t send you out there for them! I SENT YOU OUT THERE FOR ME… Do I not deserve the reward of my suffering? Don’t I deserve those for who I died?" And it reversed it all!! And changed it all!! And righted it all!! And I wasn’t any longer working for Micah and ten shekels and a shirt! But I was serving a living God! I was not there for the sake of the heathen. I was there for the Savior that endured the agonies of Hell for me, who didn’t deserve it. But He deserved them, (the heathen). Because He died for them.

Do you see? Let me epitomize, let me summarize. Christianity says, "The end of all being is the glory of God." Humanism says, "The end of all being is the happiness of man." And one was born in Hell, the deification of man; and the other was born in heaven, the glorification of God! And one is a Levite serving Micah, and the other is a heart that’s unworthy serving the living God, because it’s the highest honor in the universe. (exerpt from text sermon @ http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=article&aid=2067 )

"And whatsoever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

Knowing that of the Lord you shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for you serve the Lord Christ." Col 3:23-24

You can listen to the full message (and I HIGHLY encourage you do!) here: http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=10180222445

India Update # 4

One day at a time. 

You know a day only has 24hrs in it? That's not THAT long, right? 

Sometimes I find it helpful to approach life one day at a time. Some things can seem overwhelming, especially when you are dealing with people or situations that require constant daily care. It can seem like the days of enduring will go one forever... But, if we look at today, just 24 hrs, and we thank God for today, these 24 hrs. and we praise God for today, the 24hrs we have right now, and we endure for just 24hrs, we might find that we can endure more than we ever thought we could.

When I am doing something physically challenging, like running, I often "trick" myself into doing more than I thought I could. Once I reach that point of feeling like I just need to stop, I set a short goal for myself "just up to that next pole", and then once I get to that point I tell myself "see, you did that and you didn't think you could! Now, just up to that next pole!" and I find myself running farther than I thought I could. I think this is sort of like the one day at a time principle. The enemy would like us to think that we CANNOT live the Christian life. And sometimes we look way out over the challenges and span of a lifetime and get overwhelmed with "how on earth am I ever going to be able to endure THAT?"

I think the point is where we focus. 

If we keep our eyes fixed on the things that are weighing us down or causing us difficulty (our weary bodies and sore legs for instance) then we will stop. However, if we fix our eyes beyond our situation and have faith that we will have the strength needed to endure, then we will have all that we need to get where we need to be. 

And even better than all of that good sense is the fact that GOD has promised that we CAN DO ALL THINGS through CHRIST Who STRENGTHENS US! Not only are we able to fix our mind, but He gives us all we need to do it! Not only are we able to run the race and win, HE has already gained the VICTORY and IN HIM we are MORE than conquerors!

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. -Mat 6:34

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me- Phi 4:13

Nearly four years had gone by since I first seen God unfolding His plan for me to go to India. 

Four years of waiting, no clear plan in sight. A few times opportunities were pursued, only to end up as closed doors. 

So I put it is Jesus hands and moved on. Each time the desire to go, the "what about India...", pressed on me, I gave it back to Jesus (though sometimes it took a little bit of wrestling myself into submission). 

I can tell you something that I have learned from testing and personal experience-you may have heard it before, and so had I, but now I know it for myself- JESUS IS ENOUGH TO SATISFY! It doesn't matter what your desires are, Jesus IS enough. 

I am 25, single, living with hard and needy people, dealing with hard situations, from a very small body of believers, most likely thought to be nuts by many people for the way I live for Jesus, desiring many things, and daily seeing, experiencing, and enjoying the reality that Jesus IS ENOUGH! My life is rather mundane and every-day-ish (at least it usually feels that way) but I can happily declare that in it all Jesus IS enough! 

Step four: Learning to Teach 

Our driver Sontush manuvared the busy streets of Mumbai expertly, and never seemed to be in too much of a rush. I began to relax and try to get comfortable for the long ride to where we were staying. We drove for hours on surprisingly good toll road, and after a while stop at a Muslim ran "hotel" where our escorts got tea and Sontush meticulously cleaned the windshield (which reminded Rachel and I of a certain Uncle who traveled with us with His Little Feet). After about 5hrs of driving, Sontush had traded places with Joshua, who proved to be much more what I had envisioned Indian drivers being like. Let's just say, that for the last hour or so Rachel and I were wide awake! 

After racing around curve after curve for quite some time, Joshua pulled off of the main road and onto a dirt path. "Where are we going?" I wondered, as our car  passed a few houses. 

Finally we pulled up to a gate, which Sontush got out and opened, and we pulled into a small compound with a few buildings. 

We got out of the car,  gathered up our backpacks and were lead up a short walk way and a few stairs to the door of a tall house. 

As we entered the house we were met by an Indian women dressed in a blue sari. Joshua introduced her as his wife, Praisey (Praise-ee). We were very tired by now, after 25hrs of travel. Joshua and Praisey began telling us a few things that we would be doing like devotions with the kids at the mission across at 6. It was around 3am at the time. Rachel and I were shown to our rooms and went to bed, making sure to set out alarms to give us time to get dressed and ready by 6. 

We crept down the stairs, at a few minutes before 6am and looked around for the family. "We must be too late, they must have already headed over." We agreed as we looked around and didn't see or hear anyone. We walked over and begin to try to figure out how the work the latch on the big front door. As we tried to open the front door the door to the master bedroom, which was behind us, opened and Praisey looked out sleepily and asked "where are you going?"

"Ah, devotions?" Rachel responded, puzzled. 

"Oh, it is too dark now. The mosquitoes will come. You go later, tonight. You sleep now." Praisey explained. 

Oh. We had misunderstood. Haha! I laugh now as I think of those first couple of days and all of the many misunderstandings and conversations where you think you totally understood what was being explained, then we would walk away and begin to discuss things with one another and Rachel and I had both heard very different things. Sometimes it can be hard having conversations with foreigners in foreign English. 😄

You all think you know what the other is saying and perhaps only really know a small portion, if any at all. 

I mentioned to Joshua and Praisey that I am a teacher in our private school and within a day Rachel and I were asgined to teach English to grades PK-7. We usually thought about 5-8 classes a day and had to come up with all of our own material. We were not given a guided tour of the two schools in the compound that we would be teaching in, so had to find all of our classrooms on our own. We were also not told any of the class rules, thought anything about the teaching style or introduced to any of the kids. We were simply handed a schedule and told that we could work together if we winged to, or have separate schedules. We decided to work together. It was going to take both of us working together to fumble our way through that first week with some semblance of grace and dignity!😄

That first week was quite the learning curve, but we eventually got a few things figured out. 

For one thing, in India (at least where we were), teachers were not goofy or entertaining (at least not in the way you would be in America) and our efforts to liven up our lessons were met with raised brow "your point?" Expressions, or chaos, as the students did not know how to react to such "ridiculous" teachers 😁

We soon learned the power of copying to settle a class room or fill empty time. The students loved to write and copy down things, so whenever the class room began to get unruly, or we had extra time and were done with that days lesson, we would simply write down something on the board and let the students copy it in their note books. Even the tree year olds would bend, studiously, over their notebooks and copy down whatever was written on the board. 

This was a lifesaver for us! 

Our mornings were filled with teaching, our afternoons with lesson planing and a short nap (everyone, even adults, would take a nap between 3&5pm)and tutoring the older kids who boarded at the school. In the evenings we played with Hannah (9 going on 20), Rachel (7, and pleased as pie to have another "Rachel" staying in her home) and little Joanna (2 and quite the pet of the family), or helping the older girls with homework, making "exotic" foods for our host family, like Mexican tacos or Mac and Cheese and Chicken, reading, journaling or visiting. On Sunday we went to church in the nearly empty hospital, and were surprised each week as one of the elders asked us "sisters, a song for the offering?", and we were obliged to sing A cappella in front of the congregation during the offering. The people prayed consistently for a doctor to come and work at this hospital, so that it would not remain empty. They had two nurses, but need a doctor. 

We also spent some time nearly every day  with the three girls, ages 16, 17 and 18, who had traveled from distant villages to attend the small Bible school program which was attended by them and three young men. 

In the evenings after we had gone up to bed the wonderful older couple from next door, James and Reena, would come over to the house where we were staying and pray with Joshua and Priasey, and I tell you friends, I have rarely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit like I did when those four would get together and pray. The house would be filled with His presence, my heart stirred to prayer, and though I could not understand the words of their prayers, I knew in my spirit that God was pleased with their prayers, He was pleased to be in their midst. 

----

I wish I could make a video of all of the memories in my head and just show them all to you. 

Better yet, I wish I could take you all there and show you the beautiful country of India, the amazing people we stayed with, and let you experience it all. But for now, I shall be content with congratulating you for getting through this "book". There are SO many more memories and experiences to share, and perhaps I will share more later. But today I will end where I began. Jesus is enough! 

India Update # 3

God is faithful!
That is my reflection as I try once again (I have already made two attempts :D) to get this third updating sent out.
This Thursday it will be two months since I boarded my flight that began my journey to India. This Thursday we will be making another trip in the dark to the airport. Although this trip will be dark because of the lateness of the hour, instead of how early it is:)
Also, this trip will be a pickup trip instead of a drop off:)
We will be picking up some family members who are coming in to see my grandma, who we found out (just days after I arrived back home) has blood cancer.
It has been a very busy month! Not only did we find out about my grandmas health situation, but my sister, Kayla, and her husband and two baby's are living with us as they await the finishing up of the house they are waiting to rent. So there has been much transition over the last month being home, and it has been very busy! My grandma requires pretty much 24/7 care, so that leaves us little spare time on top of all the other things we have going here:) Hence the delay in getting out these updates.

Step Three: Getting There 

What an amazing thing international travel is! 

My great-grandparents would have had to take a ship for months to travel what we did in less than 24hours. 

However, that does not mean that it was a "walk in the park" experience :D  

It was a long trip!

I remember vividly that night trying to sleep. Shifting in my seat on the plane. Thankfully next to Rachel, after we found out for some reason the seats we had selected were not on the tickets we got. We were not supposed to be seated together according to our new ticket numbers. However a helpful gentlemen switched with Rachel, which was very nice for us! 

I remember Rachel giving me the rundown on proper airport exciting technique in India. I remembered that women should not make eye contact with men (easer said than done for these American eyes that have been well trained in the "polite" gesture of making eye contact accompanied by a smile and slight nod). We exited the runway and followed the crowd through customs. Showed our passports and visas to the man at the customs exit, collected our bags and went to find our drivers. 

We had been told that a man would be waiting for us at the front exit with a sign that said Rachel's name. We were also told that he might not speak very good English, but if we spoke slow he would get it. 

As we walked out and strode down the line of men holding signs behind a little fence-like barrier, we spotted two men, one holding a cardboard sign with the name "Rachel" penned on it. "Is that them?" We hesitated a bit. They saw us and motioned for us to come over to the gate, where they introduced themselves as Sontush and Joshua. Sontush reached for my bag, I hesitantly gave it to him. We then proceeded to follow Joshua as he lead is to the car. 

One must really put their trust in The Lord at this moments when you are in a strange country walking to a strange car with two strange men. And when one does this, one is at perfect peace. It is wonderful to have a good God to take care of us! 

On the ride "home" I experienced the smell of India. 

I imagine that anyone who has been to India will know that smell. However, if you haven't been, just know that it is distinct and foreign. 

As we sat in that car and drove through that city it was not a very romantic moment. 

I was so tired, and everything was so foreign, and for a moment I wondered what I was even doing here? I just wanted to go to my home and see my family and crawl into my bed. Yes, I know it was only a couple of days. Sometimes I can be a bit of a baby:D 

But it was too late for that. I was here and here I would stay for the next month. 

How silly we can be. We ask and ask and ask God for something, then He gives it to us and how often do we say "on second thought, I'm not so sure I really wanted that after all" yet if He doesn't give it to us we ask "why?". 

I am so thankful that my whim in that moment did not become my reality in the next. 

I am so thankful that God kept me in that place for the next month. 

India Update # 2

(I started this Sunday while flying back home and just finished it lastnight. Enjoy!) 

We have now reached cruising altitude as I sit here looking out at the bright white clouds below. The last leg of this adventure looks to be soon coming to a close. 

It is such an interesting adventure to follow The Living God wherever He wishes to take you. It is such an interesting way of life to belong to Someone so far beyond our minds comprehension. Someone so very good and loving and faithful. 

Step Two: Visa 

For two years I worked with my parents and their ministry "Again-In". I learned SO much during those two years. 

During this time of business and life, the question often nagged at the back of my mind "Am I really ever going to go anywhere?". For my birthday one year my Mom got me a Rosetta Stone Hindi learning program and I began to work on it daily for about 3or4 months. Then I got busy and got out of the routine, and it became mostly one of those things on the "Oh! I should do that" shelf in the back of my mind. 

With the beginning of the new year a sense of expectancy blossomed in my heart, "Something is about to happen! I can just feel it."

Then January came to a close...then the days under the heading "February" on the wall calendar began to be ticked off... And with them excitement began to wan into questions... "Was anything ever REALLY going to happen?" "Would I ever REALLY go over seas?"

Wow! How short our endurance and patience can be some times! 

Whew! I had to wait a full two months y'all! Such a LONG time ;) (said in my most sarcastic drawl) 

But you see, the trouble wasn't so much the two months that I had to wait, as the 5-10 years that the enemy kept dangling in front of my face. "You are NEVER going to go ANYWHERE. You are ALWAYS going to do the same thing you are doing right now." I find that the Great Deceiver likes to use superlatives when it comes to describing things we don't want to hear. 

And if we won't buy that, he stretches it out as far as he can. I find my time limit seems to be about 5 years, so he will whisper things like "yeah, that's nice, but it probably won't happen for, like, at lease 5 years!" Or "yeah, but you will probably be doing this for the next five years".Haha! 

So during this time of waiting my dear friend, Rachel Baker, told me that she and another friend of ours were planing a trip to India. 

"Oh? That's nice" I responded and went on with my work. 

With the work I do here I am very tied down. A trip to town by myself is a big deal. A day off, a treat. And a night over at my sisters house only happens once in a great while. So a trip to India at that time didn't even strike me as a possibility. 

We talked about how it would be fun if I could go too, but it was not at all as if it would actually happen. 

Then one day Rachel told me that our other friend's visa had been denied. She was now not planing to go. 

"Why not?" I asked her. Still feeling that she was supposed to go. 

"Well, uh, she's not going anymore..." Rachel responded. Our friend had been the one coordinating the whole trip. 

So Rachel started praying about whether she were still supposed to go. 

"I keep thinking about how someone said that when I went to India to take Kourtney with me"she texted me one day. 

"Well, I guess I could try" 

Our friend had told Rachel, who told me, about a new Visa called an eVisa, which you can get online within 4 days if you are approved and is good for 30 days. 

After talking with my Mom and Dad I decided to turn in an application. 

I also decided to go ahead and start packing and preparing, because it would be allot easier to be ready and have to undo then have to try and get everything ready at the last minute. 

So one day, about five days before my planed departure, and a couple days before my Visa was expected, I went shopping. On this shopping trip I prayed and asked The Lord what I should get and to guide my shopping trip. I don't think I have ever gone shopping and had more specific instructions. I would pray "Lord what should I get?" And He would answer "that" and I would see something I hadn't noticed before or know what specific type of something to get. It was pretty amazing. 

So after that I was feeling pretty confident that I was going. 

The next day I got the confirmation email saying that I was approved for a Visa to India! I got on the phone with Rachel and started buying tickets. We decided to meet in Washington DC and fly out from there together. 

I told very few people about my planed trip and asked no one for money, but within a day of getting Visa approval my ticket was completely paid for! God is so good! He doesn't have to have weeks to work :) In this case it was only a few hours:) 

I finished packing. Kissed my family and said goodbyes and headed for Washington DC.

India Update # 1

So it's 4:12am and I have been awake for an hour with jetlag and I thought about getting some sleep, but my mind is more clear now than it has been in the last few days and I'm in one of those deep thoughtful kind of moods, so I thought I might start on this update :) 

I think I may do a series, as there is so much to share, and it's nicer to get several shorter emails than one LONG one...at least, I think so;) 

So here is part 1 :)

I was just chatting with a friend and describing my time in India a bit. 

She asked me if it was hard to be back (something I hadn't really thought about) and this was my response: 

No. Not really. Just very different.

--

I think it could have been hard, had we been in a more hopeless place, but though our friends there were not as wealthy in material things, they had such a wealth in The Lord, that it doesn't feel wrong to see all that we have here... So it's not hard in that way. In fact I feel a little sorry for us, because I see how free their lives were.

--

It's almost like we are standing in a sea of fresh water grumbling about the fact that we are wet, and they are standing in the desert praising The Lord for the communal well :) spiritually anyway :)

-- 

("We" speaking of American Christians, "they" of the body there in India) 

It was so simple there. People just lived and served God. There wasn't drama. There wasn't entertainment. There was fellowship. It was beautiful! And peaceful. And unexplainable. 

So I shall try in the next few updates to put words to something that I'm not real sure how to put words to. I pray that The Lord will anoint my fingers and mind to the task of representing His Bride, our brothers and sisters in India. 

I  am do thankful for this opportunity to introduce you all to some more of our family! Brothers and sisters you didn't even know you had! 

What joy it is to be a part of the body of Christ! 

And before I start with the details of the trip, I'm going to go on a bit longer ...because I can! Because this is my update ;D 

May I just take a moment and highlight one of the highlights of this trip : Rachel Baker! 

What an amazing, powerful women of God! Wow! It was wonderful to spend this last month serving with her in India! 

Rachel is so thoughtful, practical and loving! And so fun, y'all! 

We had a blast! 

I am provoked to righteousness and pressed by her life more then by most. Her strengths are often my weaknesses, her wisdom and insight and thoughts flow on a different path then mine, and she see things and articulates things that I don't often see or have words to wrap around. 

It amazes me how The Lord has brought us together in Him as co-laborers for His kingdom. I don't know many people that press me Spiritually as much as Rachel. 

She has a quiet boldness, a gentle ferocity, a steadfast endurance, a deep love for others, she walks with a willingness to lay down her life. She is full of fun and adventure. She sort of makes me feel like saying "I want to be like that when I grow up" :D 

So I am thankful for my partner-in-crimes-against-the-kingdom-of-darkness :) 

Love ya Rach! 

Step one: "India"

About three years ago while I was traveling with His Little Feet (www.hislittlefeet.org ) my good friend Rachel and I started seeing India very highlighted. Almost everyday for a while there something would come up or be highlighted about India. We talked about it, prayed about it, pursued it a bit, to no avail. At one time someone told Rachel that when she was going to India to take me with her :) 

So as the years went by India was tucked away in my heart and my mission there was represented by the little pictures of sponsor children hanging on mini clothes pines from twine strung across my bedroom wall...

I begin to wander if I would every really go there. As I became more and more involved with the ministry at home and more and more "tied down" to responsibilities, it seemed as if that door might never open. 

Was I wrong? Was this really the mission field God had called me to? Why had it seemed for so long that He was leading me in one direction only to be seemingly "out" of that path and possibly for good... 

Oh ye of little faith, wherefore did ye doubt? 

Surrender became the theme of my days. Seeking to know God's ways. To understand His will. Hoping in Him. He was my Rock, my anchor. 

The enemy loves to try and play with our minds during times of testing. When we remember the promises of God and the things He has revealed to us, the enemy likes to come in with that same lie with which he tempted Eve "did God really say..?"

I have found in myself, and I suspect it is the same with many, that it is not the frontal face-on attacks that trip me up, but rather the steady drip of questions and doubts. 

I think Satan knows better than to come at me head on, because he knows that he will soon be body slammed with truth. However, his tactic is to stand far off in a dark corner and make little sounds at night that keep me from getting a deep sleep, wearing away my strength slowly and subconsciously. Keeping up a steady barrage of mindless noise in the background. Listening in on a conversation about what God has done and piping up with just one question "oh, uh, did God really say that?" Or "are you sure you understood that right? Was that really what He meant? I mean, "Gods ways are so much higher than our ways" and "in this world you will have tribulations". So maybe God's way of doing that would be to make everything in life hard and-uh- "bad" so that you can have allot of good things in heaven. You know, don't store up for yourselves treasures on earth..." Hmm... 

So with that, India was left in Gods hands and questions entered my mind. 

Don't ever give place to questions from the devil! They will make you so weak when you aught to be strong. So unsure when you aught to stand firm.